Reliving my thirties

Overnight-ing in Birmingham (which is quite beautiful, really). Great conversation with my Better Angels friend Chris.

It's hard to refrain from intense reflection when you're around a 20-year-old guy who isn't your student. His views on life are so recognizable (we all go through the same things)...except when they aren't (every generation/person navigates them so differently). I always have to stop myself from shouting "Good luck!" and "Watch out!" and "Oh, just wait!"

And there's a little bit of envy that I can't experience that for the first time ever again. Or is it relief that I don't have to go through all that myself? Or both? It's like one of those what-if questions: would you go back and re-live your 20s knowing what you know now?

Almost certainly not, for me. My 20s were fine, but I'm done with them.

Now, my 30s...I think a second go at those wouldn't be out of order. I'd say no more often, maybe? It took me so long to learn Thing One about boundaries. Much of that decade might have gone better without that labor.

But then, that's a bit like working hard for years to become very physically fit in your 40s and wishing you could go back to your 20s knowing what you know now about fitness. You'd still have to do all the work all over again. There's so much to adulting that's like building emotional maturity musculature. It's hard, grunting, sweaty, achy work. That work starts defining your life. I don't know what my 30s would be without that work.

On the other, hand, the depression would have been good to avoid. Could I have avoided it with knowledge and maturity? Or would depression have hit anyway because brain chemicals and life situations. Would the perspective I gained from those years protect me from the trauma of those years?

Ha. wracking my drive-tired brain about the intricacies of an impossible hypothetical.

More tomorrow,

JF