Fall!

 I fell earlier this evening while on a run. Typing is hard because my right middle finger is swaddled in a Toy Story band-aid. Larger band-aids are on my palm and my knee. Both knees look a bloody mess, and I'll be plucking sidewalk grit out of my hands for a while.

I hate falling. What a silly thing to say, right? Who enjoys falling down unexpectedly, slamming into the sidewalk? Aside from the pain, it's embarrassing. I was running later than I should have on our neighborhood's buckled sidewalks. I failed to see a buckle that I'd stepped over countless times before, my foot caught, and BAM. 

I hate the noise I make: UHHHN. I hate the moment of panic--Did I break something? mixed with Did anyone see? 

I hate how old and inept I feel after falling. I've fallen before--worse than this--about five years ago. I remember that awful feeling after getting up, realizing that, despite the pain, I wasn't gravely injured--but still feeling the full-body bone-shock of the impact. It keeps reverberating, repeating, as you hobble away, not yet looking at your hands or knees, pressing your fingernails into the uninjured parts of your palms to forestall the pain.

I sent pictures to some of my snapchat friends. My sister: "It's like stigmata in all the wrong places."

My partner panicked a bit, wondering if I needed to put my legs up to stop the bleeding. Just scratches, I assured him. He watched as I washed them with soap and water, dabbed at them with paper towels, and poured alcohol over them. That was unpleasant. It hurt so much I laughed. 

I anticipate greater pain tomorrow, the bruises and body aches joining the pain of the scrapes. 

I was going to do more writing--the statement of purpose for the next seminary will require more new composition--but I may need to hold off til I can type better.

It may be a bit before I try running again. Run-shy. Or fall shy. No more running at night unless I have smooth paths and more lighting--or more youthful eyes, better reflexes, or superhuman invulnerability. 

The day before this was great--shopping with my friend. I resisted buying much for myself beyond some beauty/hygiene things. I think I should indulge in some transformers, though. Right now they're giving me some joy against, well, other stressful things in life.

Nothing like a toy robot that turns into something else to take the sting out of a fall.

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