Chapter Challenge or Other Things?

 So--there's a book institute for faculty this summer. I wasn't able to participate last summer due to a conflict. But this summer, the week is open.

The deadline to get a full chapter in is in one day. I have no such chapter.

Put it this way: you get $500 if you write a chapter in 24 hours. Could I do it?

What if it's $1,000?

I might try in that case.

 But. Part of me feels too old and tired to invest the kind of madcap-dash, put-anything-on-paper rush this kind of thing would require. I have classes to plan. I have friends to see (maybe, if they're free). 

And, if I'm honest, I have a lot of hangups about this project. It's the one I was supposed to complete by last August, the one where two weeks before that due date I found an old book that absolutely did what I was planning to do much better than I ever could have. So I gave up. It was freeing to give up, all that energy and worry about August evaporated in a puff of "should've done better research." 

"It happens," said one colleague. "Really? C'mon," chided others. 

The relief won out. 

And now--after today--I have other matters to occupy myself this summer. I may even have a church after July. 

I may even have a church after July. 

Yeah, it was a big last few days. My life is gonna take a big step into a different thread of the strand, methinks.

I suppose I'm thinking of ways to tie off this strand--write another book, the book I was supposed to write--before I hop onto the new strand.

I don't anticipate I'll have much time to write a book and get full prof after I start seminary and (somehow??) have a church. 

But that might be a long shot anyway. The number of churches that want a queer pastor--the first in the conference so far as I know--is small. And I've signaled that I'm good sticking with just full-time professoring and full-time grad studenting. It's not like I need a congregation on top of that.

And of course a congregation of my own would mean stepping back from my church, the church I've attended for twenty years. 

All this is God stuff. May doors open, and may I say yes--either to a madcap writing dash, a church, both, or something else entirely.