That Ugh Feeling at the End of a Week

 Ugh. It's strange how much one day of actual going-to-school work this week just it out of me today. Today's post may just devolve into meandering.

In my defense, I've worked steadily over this last mostly snow-closed week: creating assignment structures and prompts for class (I nearly said "creating content for class"--double ugh), grading stuff, writing on my sermon for Sunday, keeping up with my workout schedule (i.e., something every day). And I even succeeded at accomplishing non-productive-but-joy-giving things like setting up my Star Wars Lego and many of my transformers. 

The standard question I asked today: how was the snow for you? Most of my students responded with some variation of "delightful." And I agree. This was a delightful week in so many ways. I felt like I had permission to not do anything except stuff that gave me joy. Partly I was responding to the Big Depression from the Inauguration. (This continues as more and more news items about the wrecking-ball approach to governance this administration adopts.) 

It set me back to go back to work today. I mean, I always enjoy teaching, and today I taught one of my favorite little lessons (dramatic irony). But it seems to have wiped me out. 

Why don't I do something else? Because so much remains to be done--more assignments to grade, more feedback to give, more letters to write, a stack of applications to our program to process--and this blog to write, a workout to do (maybe), and even some old transformer purchases to unpack. Even joy has become A Task. Perhaps I'm getting sick? Free-floating anxiety? 

Or just tired because I worked hard today? 

Or depressed because of all the things? 

...aaaaaand BOOM I just remembered a big letter of rec I still haven't written for a colleague. That wasn't the cause of my down-tired-ness. But it does add a load of guilt on top of everything. Sigh.

OK: priorities. I need to finish the sermon for Sunday. I need to respond to blog stuff with my grad students. I need to fill out a form for one of my advisees. That's likely tomorrow's thing. 

I need to work out, maybe just a recovery routine. 

This is why I don't play with my toys much. Always something else to do. I don't know how I think I'm going to fit in seminary. I can't even put "apply to seminary" on this week's schedule. 

Ugh. Maybe workout will clear my down-ness. That happens sometimes. 

Ugh.